Berlin – Amsterdam – Paris

If you have ever had a conversation with me, I have probably said one of the following:

• Why are you talking so loud?
• I’m right here…
• (while in the car together) I can hear you; you are a foot away from my face.
• (On the cell phone) You are talking directly into my ear… no need to shout.

Well, these phrases don’t exist for me in Berlin!!! Everyone is so quiet! While I was standing at a very busy crosswalk (there were about fifty people waiting to cross, some on their cell phones), I closed my eyes, the only thing I could hear, were the cars passing by and the screeching of a buses brakes. It was like I was all alone standing there. I loved it!

Another instance, I saw a couple waving their arms about and having a conversation, laughing and animated… the only thing missing was any audible tones! They were 10 feet away from me and I didn’t even hear a whisper. It’s like an art. How can one not fall in love with zero noise pollution? Then you hear the stupid American, blocks away, coming down the street on their cell phone. People look annoyingly in the direction of the bull horn. If you take a moment to inhale your environment, it’s amazing what you quickly discover the culture.

The Berghain. A dance club that begins on Friday night and continues through early Monday morning. A nonstop party with multiple Dj’s. The only thing that changes here is night and day… but no worries… you never see that change, unless you look at your watch/cell phone. The entrance is probably one of the most exciting lines I have ever experienced. A two-hour long wait… hundreds of people waiting to enter at all hours of the night. The door men either say “Yes” or “Not tonight.” No one knows as to why you get rejected… it isn’t based on looks… I was looking at fashion models being turned away… humiliated. I was thinking… they were beyond hot… and they were told no? Even they were shocked. Lol… I think it must be, if you are wearing a certain color, then perhaps they won’t let you in. Who knows. I’m happy to have experienced the wild world of European dance beats, amazing DJ’s, dark rooms (hmmm , whatever you can imagine to go on in here…does), and how freely every drug is at your disposal (none for me… thanks.). I love dancing and dance I did till 11 the next morning… I remember walking outside to the afternoon sun…I felt like a vampire, my eyes burning after leaving the smoky darkness, my skin steaming from the sweat, I thought I was going to ignite into a ball of flames. At that point I didn’t care… water is all I could think about. Instead, I met some people that invited me for drinks and breakfast. At their posh home, they had a couple of cases of Champagne left over from a birthday party the previous day… lucky for me, Moet & Chandon and Veuve Clicquot (my two favorites) were in abundance. Before this trip, I don’t think I have ever had this much champers. Mmmm… no complaints here.

The height of men in Berlin is astonishing. If you are under 6’3” go home… at 6 feet everyone was towering over me… most women too. I would say average here is 6’3 -6’9.What the hell are they eating to have this height? Is Nutella a super form of Calcium? Perhaps through evolution, they have tried to reach high up for fruit or something and the Germans evolved to their current height… like the giraffe.

City wide tour please! I had my expert tour guides with me Jan and Gregor (Superdry) … they were my history books come to life. Everywhere we went about the city, I was enlightened with fast facts. Thank you for the education and for being so entertaining. I wished I could have enjoyed Berlin for a greater length of time. I could definitely be happy living in this city.

The dinner we had one evening was interesting. Schnitzel… which is veal (baby calf) pounded flat, battered, fried, and served with lemon. More like a thin chicken fried steak without the creamy peppered gravy. It was good… but I think I’ll stick to my original instead.

While I was in route to the train station, at Alexanderplaz, a busy part of the city, a woman in distress approached me carrying a baby. “Do you speak English” she asked.

“Yes, what is it?” I said. She held out a worn dirty piece of paper in the palm of her hand. I thought I was being Punked. I said, “No. No, thank you.”

I had just bought lunch, juice, and water. I was carrying three bags and my groceries. The actress named “Distress” starts mumbling something and says on repeat (like a fuse in her brain was malfunctioning), “The bebe, the bebe, the bebe.” She then lunges her entire arm into my grocery bag.

I said, “Bitch… You’d better get your hand out of my shit, and get your ass a real job. You see that I am traveling and don’t have anything to give you. You need to get away from me right now.” She began following me a for few feet spitting out words in whatever language. I was pissed that I had been fooled by her initial phrase, that which, I was already warned about. I instantly turned into an animal that was guarding his prey (kinda scary actually). I was just hungry enough to rip her head off at that point.   Figuratively speaking… of course.

Berlin – wear your high heels to blend in, try the schnitzel, and keep your bags closed!

Amsterdam (Puff puff pass)

My first taste of the green was supposed to be here… but being alone… I didn’t want to have a bad experience and risk being robbed or getting lost. The hundreds of coffee shops are sure to be any smokers paradise. They don’t even serve coffee… more like booze, joints, brownies, and space cake… everything infused with some green. Seeds only cost 3.5 euro. It is okay to grow your own… you just can’t sell it, unless you’re a business… cause if you do that, then it’s illegal. Really?

Red Light District – OMG. Where to begin? Sex on another planet. Woman wait in a glass door window for someone to strike their fancy, and then it’s off to the moon and the stars… well for an hour anyway, I think that is how it works. Girls of all ages… the super young, wearing next to nothing and older women with enormously large melons spilling forth while pressed against the glass… it’s all about subtlety here.

There were plenty of live sex shows for your viewing pleasure as well… you pay a fee and the curtain raises to a solo performance or a couple already in action. I walked into one of these lobbies and you can preview the models (by portrait) before shelling out the cash to see them in action… Wow, not anyone I would even want to see pictures of, let alone in a live performance… probably because it was still early in the day around 7pm.  I’m sure the hot models come out later at night when it’s busier.

Thank goodness I wasn’t alone during this exploration. I had my friend John leading me through the channels of the city. We were to spend a few days together in an awesome 5 star hotel… but he unfortunately fell ill and I had two large plush beds and a giant room to myself. Thank you for showing me Amsterdam John!!!

Bicycles are a big part of Amsterdam… is the main way of transport in the city… they have their own lane on the side walk. You will be run over by them if you don’t move to the sound of their bell. The rage that they have even towards each other is insane. It is road rage on a bike. If you are going to slow, someone will let you know by yelling at your ass to move! It took me a couple of days to hear the bell and register to get the eff out of the way.

Houseboats are some really great real estate in Amsterdam. They are connected to the cities plumbing and utility systems. I met someone who actually owned one and I laughed when he told me he lived on a boat. He asked why I was laughing… I said because I was fascinated by them… I showed him all the pictures that I had taken of the boats. He mentioned that there is a negative stereotype that comes along with living in a houseboat. With real estate being as expensive as it is, his boat was purchased for a tiny 300,000 euros ($390,000). Another plus he mentioned was not having any neighbors attached on any wall.

Amsterdam – Run from the sound of the bell, visit a coffee shop but don’t pay more than 12 euro for some stuff (they always try to over charge the tourists), and feast your eyes on some of the tragedy in the Red Light district.

Paris

First impressions – I board the subway and remain standing, girl #2 enters behind me and sits, begins texting madly on her phone. I look in front of me at girl #1, with her hair half pinned back, wearing a light jacket, quickly flips the page on her book and starts outlining the face of girl 2. The face is rapidly completed and very good I might add… the hair is filled in… girl 2 looks like she just had her hair done… rows braided throughout. Girl 2 is completely unaware that she is being studied and drawn. Four stops later, girl 1 is about to exit the train, the doors open, she rips out the page and throws it into the lap girl 2 (who’s still texting) and exits the train. Confused, girl 2 looks at the picture and stops texting, turns to see who it was that drew her… stares out of the window till we are off again. Then she looks back at her image and smiles. Really? Paris is awesome!  I *ucking love that I just witnessed that!

The subway system at first seemed a little ghetto… the trains run on tires… little did I know this helps them start and stop faster, like in a car. Efficiency is the word here.

I began getting ill in Paris (cold?). I walked around a lot my first day. My first stop was the Eiffel Tower and onto finish with the Louvre and the Cathedral of Notre Dame. When I had gotten to the Louvre I decided I was too tired to spend a couple of hours in a museum. Plus it was going to be free on the first Sunday of the month… good plan eh? Wrong. The next day I got there and the line was horrendous… thousands were lined up to go inside. The line was an hour and a half wait… no thank you. Europeans like to call the lines or wait times: “the queue time.” I laid down on the ledge of a water fountain to people watch and had a photo shoot instead. Remember I was sick. Last thing that I wanted was to be pushing my way around a crowded museum… It still makes me nauseous.

Paris was a bit expensive, but well worth it… very pretty and clean.

I witness a bus that had gone into a river when I was out site seeing… there were mobs of policemen and divers. I stuck around for about ten minutes, as it looked like they were taking a while strategizing their next move. I need action people!!! Hurry up!!! Hope everyone was okay.

Lastly, while at the train station for the next move to Spain… I was sitting  near a column in the train station and was approached by a young boy… ”Excuse me,” he said. I nodded.  He then asked, “Can I have some water?” I looked down at my half-full bottle of water. I picked it up and handed it to him. He was careful not to put his mouth on the opening… a few sips and he tightened the lip and handed it back to me and said, “Thank you.” Ummm… that was a first. I love that that just happened. Not sure I have the balls to just ask someone for water like that. Was that a test? Hmmm.

Paris – Pay for the Louvre (although I heard the Mona Lisa was overrated, being that it is so small and is barricaded at 5 feet away for viewing), just throw yourself into the subway system (it’s easy to learn and gets you everywhere), and don’t be afraid to share what you have, as little as it might be.